5 Bucks an Hour
by Pippin's Socks
Summary: Kid can be quite a manipulative little bastard sometimes. Stein/Marie. AU-ish.


_I did not expect my first soul eater fanfic to be this. Not in the slightest.  
__For…well I don't know any other soul eater fans…f__or meh! _

_And yes…this is not in canon…no matter how darn adorable._

_Side Note: Chichiue means 'honourable father' which is what Kid calls Shinigami-sama…just in case you didn't know xD (which you all probably do…) _

_Disclaimer: You know the drill. _

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In which Marie gets her one wish (kinda) and Stein becomes psychotic…more so than usual anyway.  
Enjoy!

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Marie had never had time to sit down and fully think through her grand master plan of having children at such a young age and now, looking at the spoilt brat currently glaring at her from below her knee cap, she suddenly found the idea far less appealing.

Kid was, in her mind anyway, adorable - right up until he opened his mouth anyway, then he lost the majority of his charm. Such as now for example.

"Now Kid" she began, holding up her hands, palm facing forward, in a friendly manner, looking far more confident than she felt as the two golden eyes narrowed slightly at her tone, it was the patronising tone of voice all adults used, weapon or otherwise, when they thought he was being 'difficult' "how about we go get an ice cream?"

"No."

"It could be fun"

"No."

"Well maybe if we-" the toddler interrupted her suggestion by angrily stomping his foot on the ground and delivering a well timed kick to her shin, it took all of the young weapons will power to not throttle the boy on the spot.

"I want to play" he demanded, crossing his stubby arms across his chest and giving the poor young woman an even glare, the general aura would have been one of mild terror if not for the pink 'I heart Shibusen' t-shirt the child was currently clad in.

"_Fine_" she bit out, nursing her abused ankle and cursing Shinigami-sama to the very depths of hell. Why couldn't he go and pay for a proper babysitter like most parents?! Surely blackmailing a student into minding a mini god of death was illegal?

"We need someone else" the boy went on, completely ignoring the murderous intent coming from the woman who could quite easily pound him into oblivion "it needs to be symmetrical" whatever 'it' was Marie was fairly sure she didn't want anyone else to watch her take part.

Of course the only other person leisurely wandering the realm of death at this time had to be the last person the poor weapon wanted to see.

"Stein! Play with me and Marie-neechan" she would have been touched by the honorific if it hadn't come out the same boys mouth that was about to ruin her chances of romance for the rest of her life.

"No" both students barked at the same time, the weapon far more aggressive than necessary.

"I need _you _to play with Marie-neechan and I!" the pint sized Shinigami went on, stamping his foot angrily off the floor in outrage, both grownups sensed a tantrum on the horizon, Marie quickly shot a frantic, pleading gaze toward the psychotic meister who slowly slouched over toward the duo, making himself at home in the black and white plastic chair that had been left lying around during the boys 'play time.'

"So what are you playing?"

"Families" Marie answered at the exact same time Kid blurted out "Weddings"

"No." Stein growled, looking as menacing as a mad scientist could when stuck in a plastic child chair.

Kid let out a small gasp, lower lip trembling slightly as he furiously began to clench and unclench his tiny fists at his side.

Oh shit.

He was going to cry.

Marie was so not getting paid enough for this…

If _anyone _so much as heard the slightest indication that they'd made the bosses son bawl like the 4 year old he was they would be out of there faster than you could say 'Demon child'.

"He was kidding Kid-kun! Weren't you stein?" she added the last part on in a slightly darker undertone, he might not care about his future but it was incredibly hard to meet new people and possibly get married (and never have kids like this one) without some form of a job!

"…yeah…" the boy's face brightened almost immediately, all signs of previous distress utterly vaporized.

"Good!" chirped the little (brat) darling, grin of elation quickly melting into a sadistic smirk. It gave both adults a sense of what their leaders face really looked like under that mask after he'd done his usual goofy father act and was about to 'shinigami-chop' them into the next centaury.

Ah.

Ah crap.

"You can wear the alien suit then Stein!" the boy went on, handing him a rather rumpled neon green alien dress up costume that he'd probably dragged out from the same place he kept that demonic skateboard.

"No way" the boy's eyes began to water; Marie shot him another half furious, half desperate glance. With a mournful sigh he put the wobbly antenna on, praying against all hope that this was the one day his accursed weapon didn't materialise out of thin air to bug him.

"Perfect" he muttered after correctly parting Marie's hair and clipping a tie round his tiny neck, standing on top of a toy box so he was at least up to their stomach's before clearing his throat "I will be chichiue, Marie-neechan will be the bride and Stein will be the groom. Isn't this a great idea?!" Stein muttered something not at all suitable for a child's presence and Marie flushed slightly before nodding awkwardly in agreement.

It wasn't so bad…for her anyway.

Not that she would _ever _say that out loud.

"Ahem" he cleared his throat once more, trying to make his high pitched voice sound slightly deeper "We are gathered here today to witness the marriage of Mari-neechan and Stein because Spirit told me that they love each other very much"

"Has anyone ever told you that my weapon is an idiot?"

"Stein ssh!" Marie hissed.

"Yes many times" the boy deadpanned "now where was I? Ah yes, do you Marie-neechan take Stein to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, to hug and eat cookies with, to do that thing involving birds and bee's that chichiue refuses to tell me about?" Marie felt her face heat up; whether from the innuendo or the fact that she was getting married it was very hard to tell.

"Eh…I do…" she stole a quick glance the scientist's way, her face the colour of a tomato, only to giggle slightly at the miniscule amount of colour on the normally pale meister's face.

And _he _was the one with the antenna on.

Gosh.

That would be something to tell her mother…

"And do you, Stein take Marie-neechan to be your-OH NO WAIT!" both grownups jumped slightly at the pure panic in the child's voice "Stein you haven't proposed yet" he continued, frantically gesturing for the young meister to drop to the ground and get it over with now.

"…but we're getting married"

"Do it! Quickly!" not in the mood to argue anymore he tilted his head round and gave the woman a very blank stare.

"Mary will you marry me?" he drawled. Kid threw one of the book's head been standing on at the doctor's head.

"It's Marie!" shrieked the poor woman, forgetting entirely that it wasn't even a _real _wedding.

"That was awful" Kid agreed. Oh yes. Ask the toddler for his opinion on romance. Brilliant.

Rolling his eyes Stein dropped to one knee, taking the shell shocked weapons hand and trying to remember how to spontaneously combust.

"Marie. I've known you for a grand total of 5 minutes and it already feels like a lifetime…" he began, any romantic mood that may have started to grow shrivelled up and crawled back into the cesspool is originated from, Marie growled "You're annoying and violent and let a 4 year old in a tux boss us around, I've always avoided women due to their homicidal tendencies and you have only strengthened that reasoning"

"Tch" she scoffed, Stein held up a hand to indicate he wasn't finished, brining it back down to fish an uneaten gummy ring out of his pocket.

"But you seem fairly capable of a conversation, have a really nice smile that doesn't change even when talking to someone as weird as me so I guess I could put up with you for a while" he finished, sliding the green and red sweetie onto her finger "Will you marry me?"

It hadn't been anything she'd expected and was utterly ruined by the green, wobbly bobbles on top of his head but it was still the most romantic thing she'd ever heard in her life.

…poor girl.

"I…yes. I'll marry you" she replied after another prod from Kid.

"Ok! You may now kiss the bride!" Kid announced.

And they did.

For a while.

Kid looked at the skull clock on the wall and noticed a whole minute had gone by and they hadn't even come up for air yet.

"Erm…Marie-neechan? Stein?" he mumbled "I'm bored now" he tugged on his babysitter's trouser leg.

They didn't even acknowledge his existence.

Death the Kid scowled and moved away from the 'newlyweds'

"_**Chichiue!**_"

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_Sigh. I so wish this was in canon but its not xD_

_Hope you enjoyed reading it because I enjoyed writing it :D (when i should've been doing my coursework D:)_


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